• Talking with your Child • Suicide Awareness Presentations • A Letter from Parents

A Letter From Parents

This letter was sent by Brent Peterson, principal of Bainbridge High School, in September 2003 after the loss of a student to suicide. He also sent his own letter expressing concern for the community. We applaud these efforts to spread the word about signs of depression and steps that youth and others may take to help prevent suicide.

Dear Bainbridge High School parents/guardians,

The following is information for recognizing mental health problems in your teenager:

In the four years since we lost our son Garth to suicide, we have learned a lot about adolescent mental health problems.  At the time of his death, we thought he was doing fairly well – pretty good grades, on the tennis team, daily workouts at the gym, had several good friends, and no signs of drug or alcohol use. We knew he was emotionally fragile, had low self esteem, and problems with mood swings, but what we didn’t realize was how lethal these symptoms could be, didn’t see how his problems added up to a very dangerous situation. 

In adolescents, mood disorders manifest somewhat differently than in adults and it is difficult to tell what the normal ups and downs of the teen years are from real mental illness.  Some signs to look for are:

• Frequent irritability for no apparent reason
• Negative self image
• Preoccupation with death in books, movies, and music
• Sleeping too much or too little
• Pessimism, moodiness, and withdrawal
• Abnormal mood swings
• Giving away prize possessions
• A drop in grades
• Inattention to appearance
• Extreme sensitivity to rejection or failure
• Chronic worry or guilt
• Talk of suicide or suicide attempts  

Not all these signs may be present.  Any of them combined with drug or alcohol use and/or access to firearms needs to be taken very seriously.  Also, if there are mental health problems or a history of suicide in your family, as in mine, you and your children are at a higher risk, as these problems are thought to be hereditary.

I believe that we as parents need to educate ourselves about the warning signs of mental health problems in our teens and the very real danger of those problems, but we also need to try and emphasize to our kids, especially our boys, about this danger and the false, distorted thinking it creates.  Boys are seven times more likely to die by suicide than girls.  Why?  Between the stigma surrounding mental illness and the pervasive culture that tells boys it’s not ok to reach out to friends and family with emotional problems, we have painted them into a corner.  Mental health problems need to be recognized as the real, medical disorders that they are, not just character flaws to be overcome, and treated as such by all involved.

I would urge any parent who has even the smallest inkling that their child is struggling with any mood disorder to take these steps:

• SHOW YOU CARE by telling them that you love them and are concerned about their mental health.
• ASK THE QUESTION – “are you thinking of hurting yourself / of suicide?” Don’t be afraid to raise the question of suicide; a very direct approach is best for obtaining a truthful answer.
• GET HELP – call a therapist who specializes in working with adolescents and schedule an appointment.  If you feel that a suicide might be imminent call 1-800-SUICIDE or 1-800-273 TALK or go to the local emergency room.  Don’t think you can handle this by yourself by just talking about it to your child; that was our mistake and it cost us our son.

We can help stem this tide of youth suicide by educating ourselves, our kids, and our community about depression and other mental health disorders, their signs, and what action to take.  We have also gotten approval from our school board (Bainbridge Island) to begin running the Columbia TeenScreen program (see www.teenscreen.org) in our health classes.  This excellent mental health screening will help parents to know if their child is experiencing serious mental health problems; I believe that it would have saved Garth. We also need to get a depression and suicide prevention curriculum into every high school in the state; we are already using one developed by the Youth Suicide Prevention Program here at Bainbridge High School.  I am frustrated that our children are not required to receive content on depression and suicide in their health classes – it is not mandated unlike HIV and AIDS education - and I will be working with our senator and representatives to change that.

By recognizing teen mental health problems as a public health crisis and taking concrete steps to address them, we can hope to eliminate suicide as an option for dealing with life’s problems in the minds of our kids.  All the latest research shows a real biological basis for depression, bi-polar disorder, OCD, etc; the stigma of mental disorders are fast becoming outdated as we see that fact.  Let’s help our kids to see it too.

Leigh and Jonathan Manheim